Lost
by adreamer212
Summary: Spencer's life was a nightmare she couldn't escape.


Spencer wished this was just a dream. A really, really bad dream. She could handle it. The feeling of falling forever, the feeling of running from something she didn't know. Anything. She could wake up sweating, panting, and shaking.

She was not afraid of any of that.

She could wish for those in replacement for this any day, this life she was leading. It was worse than the nightmares she used to be scare of.

She wished for miracles. Maybe, just maybe, if she dreamed hard enough, dreamed more enough in this nightmare, she could wake up from it. She would be back to where things were nice. Simpler and happier. But magic came with a price. A high price maybe. She could not afford that nor did it ever exist for her to exchange. But she swore she would. She would pay anything to go back to the day she could fix everything.

Present was hard. Present made her tired. She wanted to quit. The only thing, or she should say, the only one who could keep her sane was Emily.

She was beautiful and gentle.

She was lovely and kind.

She was the mystery of ice and fire.

She had been there when things was nice, and she was still here when things were like this.

This was Spencer's nightmare. She hadn't wanted her to be involved. She still didn't. But it would take the moon and sun to change Emily's mind.

She was gentle and kind.

Yet she was loyal and fierce.

Spencer had tried but she came back every time, more stubborn than before.

She stayed.

And Spencer couldn't push her away for too many times.

Because she loved her. Since things had been nice till things were like this.

Spencer's eyes shined with the reflections of her whenever she showed up. Spencer's heart sang the song of hope when she touched her hand.

It was no lust. It was no desire. She just yearned for happiness.

It was luxury, happiness, in this situation. But she loved her. She wanted her. Could anything be more luxury than her ambitious emotion right then?

She guessed not.

Spencer hated her eyes. They spoke the language her heart could not resist.

Spencer hated her lips. They barely talked as much as her eyes but they poured the sound of wood burning in a fireplace of a cozy room in a winter morning into her ears.

Spencer hated her. She hated the way she always saw good in people. She hated the way she refused to treat people the way they treated her.

Spencer hated her.

Spencer hated herself. She hated how she always wanted to protect her. She hated how she failed with that mission.

She hated how she slowly changed the meaning of hate.

She loved her.

Tonight was beautiful. Not really, but it was quiet. Quiet moments allowed her to think of things.

What things she could think of then that didn't make her sad? She wondered.

Oh, Emily.

She was gorgeous under the moonlight. It was showering her cold body with affections. So were Spencer's eyes. They moved to her lips.

How many girls had had the wild luck to kiss her before? She wondered.

She bet they liked it. Oh, loved it.

She bet they were still dreaming to kiss her once again. But people were greedy. They might dream to kiss her more.

Every day.

Every night.

Every morning.

If they dared to dream for that, could she?

She was just like them, made from flesh and desire. Could she dream to kiss her?

But was she worthy? She wondered.

She guessed not.

She had done things that were beyond horrible. Things that screamed her name from hell in her sleep whenever the moon was full.

How dare she dreamed about her like that? How dare she dreamed to put her filthy hands on the person that was worshiped by the sun?

Sometimes Spencer wished she hadn't met her. She wouldn't fall for her. She wouldn't let her be involved in her stupid life.

And then right after, she hoped the Gods didn't hear her thoughts.

She couldn't lose her.

Spencer's filthy mind could run freely wherever she took a step near her and disturbed her with all the guilt but she didn't want her to stay away. It was selfish, but she only had things one thing left. This one person.

Spencer held her breath whenever they hugged. Spencer swallowed subtly when she gave her that look with those eyes.

Spencer shouldn't have weakness. It made her destroyable. But she already had one, what was the point?

Oh, maybe this made things have a point. They touched her, they died. The one person that had actual feelings with her didn't dare to thing about doing that, how dare they?

Spencer would die for her.

She would die for Spencer too. Because that was what she was, had been. And that was what made Spencer hate her.

Spencer loved her.

Spencer lost her.

* * *

 **AN: So um... this happened when I binged watch a TV show. (guess what show was it :))**

 **I wanted to develop this into a full story but I thought I would ruin the flow of it.**

 **I'm considering a backstory for this though, but I'm not so sure. If you're interest, let me know. :) I'll see what can I do.**

 **Thank you for reading. :)**

 **P/s: My English still sucks so please help me point out my mistakes if you want. :'**


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